I don’t trust astrology. It seems like a pile of bunk to me. But I do, on the other hand, make periodic use of the tarot, so y’know, it’s not like I’m occupying some kind of atheistic high ground here. But still, it’s in that spirit of skepticism that I have just looked at chineseastrology.com (via arcana_j). I was born under the sign of the Fire Snake, apparently, which means that I am a wise philosopher and basically an all round mystic sage, which I chose to believe is entirely accurate. Of course, it also means that I’m supposed to hugely physically attractive, and have flawless skin, and I’m damn sure my skin’s not flawless.

But the real reason I know all this is crap is that this year, the one that started on January the 22nd, is the year of the Wood Monkey. This is, apparently, the best year I’m going to have in the next decade or so at least. Given that I woke up on January the 22nd feeling largely unable to face the world, this does not fill me with confidence. I mean, it’s entirely possible that I’m going to have a staggering wonderful year, but I was reflecting the other day that I had a brilliant 2003, and all it feels like 2004 has done thus far is piss on me, so y’know, maybe I was just born at the wrong time. Well, I know I was, but sadly, it would make no difference to my Chinese astrological sign if I’d been born at the right time.

But y’know, this isn’t a pity party. (Well, maybe a small one. Shut up.) So, after due consideration, I have decided that while I do not, under any circumstances believe in astrology, I shall, this once, assume that it is true, and astrology had damn well better look grateful about it. But I’ll be watching closely. I’m going to be looking back on 2004 (and early 2005, I guess) hard, and if things don’t rock utterly from end to end, I shall be demanding my money back. I don’t trust fucking monkeys, anyway. I mean, humans are basically just monkeys that decided that we liked plumbing and electricity better than throwing turds around and eating each others’ fleas, and look how we’ve turned out.

So: I have the week of my birthday off (20th-28th of March). It’s not a terribly special birthday, other than that it more or less obliges me to stop thinking of myself as “mid-twenties”, so I have decided that I’m going to do something (or possibly several somethings) interesting and special in that week, because my age isn’t being obligingly exciting. So, kids, I turn to you for suggestions please. As many, and as creative as you can come up with. Don’t worry about cost, time, or any other limiting factor other than, y’know, the laws of physics and basic possibility. I may not do somethings because they’re too expensive or time-consuming, but I don’t want to discount anything at this stage.