The branch of Sainsburys local to my work is selling mass produced “wall art” for a fiver a pop. It’s fucking hideous sub-pikea horrorshow stuff.

(Naturally I have bought some. Helpfully, it comes with a large sheet of cardboard. Now all I need is a can of spray paint, and an idea.)

Also inspired by my trip to Sainos: Porn Words

I had a chicken and tomato sandwich for lunch. But this wasn’t just any chicken and tomato sandwich, no. This was “Juicy Pieces of Sunblush ® tomato in a light mayonnaise with succulent slices of chicken, vine ripened tomatoes, spinach and basil on malted bread with seeds”. My sandwich is now being described in the breathy pre-orgasmic tones of an M&S add.

Let’s strip the porn words from that sentence, shall we?

“Juicy pieces of Sunblush ® tomato in a light mayonnaise with succulent slices of chicken, vine ripened tomatoes, spinach and basil on malted bread with seeds”

Or: “Tomato in mayonnaise with chicken, spinach and basil on bread”

One of these accurately describes the sensation what I had. Would you like to guess which? (And frankly, that’s generous.)

Porn Words: Pointless bits of linguistic padding designed to make you feel that an orgasm is in the offing.