I have just spent a deeply frustrating 20 mins on the phone with Parcel Force’s computer. Their idea of customer service seems to be stuck in the mid-ninties, as they eschew even the most basic Indian call centre, preferring instead to use a system that doesn’t seem to have any way of connecting me to an actual human.

There is a package I really want to be able to collect today. If I can’t, I face another internet-free weekend. I want to confirm that it’s at the depot, that it will not be sent out again, and that it will wait there until I knock off work early, and collect it.

I cannot speak to a human, and I cannot convince their fucking voice recognition system that I live at 270A rather than 278, so I cannot make certain of this.

Does anyone know a number for Parcelforce that I can use that will result in speaking to a human?

Edit: It turns out it’s surprisingly easy. The options go:

Press 1 for….
Press 2 for….
[pause]
[pause]
[caller presses one of the above, thinking that’s it]
Press 3 for…
Press 4 for…
[pause]
[caller hangs up in disgust]
Press 5 for an Indian call centre.

Still, got there in the end, after phoning their head bloody office.